If you can’t stop thinking about a stranger’s newborn or house renovations, consider what’s behind that impulse. “Start by getting curious about what following this person truly brought you,” Goldberg says. Why is it important for you to know the next step of their lives? Are you hoping they succeed or struggle? Why? “Identifying the core purpose behind these feelings can help you realize that this desire is about you, not them,” she says.

“It can be a way to avoid commitment and prevent working through issues,” says licensed therapist Rachel Goldberg. “It can lead to a lot of pressure in a relationship and result in emotional distress when the fantasy is shattered. Over time, it could lead to a pattern of unhealthy relationships or difficulty maintaining long-term commitments.”

“Having a conversation about how the person hurt you, why you feel betrayed, and allowing them to apologize and acknowledge the pain they’ve caused is a great first step in rebuilding the friendship,” says Goldberg.

However, it’s worth noting that most experts say flirting is, by definition, never purely innocent: “There’s always intention behind flirting, and anything that has intention behind it is not innocent,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Rachel Goldberg. “Whether you’re trying to get something you want, trying to be perceived in a certain way, or trying to signal you find someone attractive, flirting has a purpose.”