Will He Be a Good Dad? What Actually Matters – Featured in The Bump
In The Bump’s article, “11 Signs Your Partner Will Be a Good Parent” , I shared thoughts on what really makes someone ready for fatherhood.
It’s a question many couples ask early on — but often, the wrong things get the spotlight. Most people try to gauge whether someone will be a good dad by watching how he is around kids. If he’s patient with his niece or playful with a friend’s toddler, that’s seen as a green light. But that alone isn’t predictive of how he’ll function as a parent in real life.
As I shared with The Bump, a great dad isn’t just someone who can make a baby laugh — he’s someone who shows up for his partner, the household, and the relentless, invisible labor of raising children.
What Actually Makes Someone a Great Dad?
Here’s what I look for — both in my clinical work with couples and in my own reflection as a parent:
Follow-through. A great dad doesn’t wait to be asked or reminded. He keeps the diaper drawer stocked, the paperwork submitted, the nighttime routines handled when needed.
Emotional regulation. Losing your cool once in a while is human. But when stress leads to yelling, checking out, or escalating conflicts, it becomes a pattern — not a slip. Great dads repair quickly and stay grounded.
Respect for the parenting partner. After a long workday, he doesn’t walk in and critique how things were done. He trusts that his partner made the best choices with the information and energy they had at the time.
Persistence under pressure. Even when he’s running on empty, he finds a way to stay engaged — answering question after question, holding space when patience runs low.
Attuned listening. He knows the difference between when someone needs a solution and when they just need to feel heard. That skill deepens connection with both his partner and his children.
Mental load awareness. A great dad anticipates needs — he doesn’t wait for a checklist. “Just tell me what to do” still leaves the organizational burden on someone else’s shoulders.
Shared leadership. He understands that parenting is a co-managed effort. That includes emotional labor, household tasks, and big decisions — not just pitching in when convenient.
It’s Not About Playing with Kids
Circling back to the original misconception: watching someone play hide-and-seek with a nephew at Thanksgiving isn’t a reliable predictor of how they’ll show up when the baby’s crying, the dishes are piling up, and everyone’s on edge.
Being good with kids isn’t the same as being good at parenting. What really matters is how someone moves through stress, responds to their partner, and shares the day-to-day responsibilities — especially when things aren’t fun.
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