The Science of Scent and Setting Boundaries – Featured in Parents Magazine
In those early newborn days, everything feels heightened—especially your protectiveness. In this Parents magazine piece, I shared why even something as subtle as a scent change can feel overwhelming, and what it reveals about early attachment.
Key Takeaways from the Article
Scent is a key part of parent-infant bonding
A baby’s natural smell activates parts of the brain related to reward, comfort, and attachment—especially for the birthing parent.
When others hold the baby, it can feel intrusive
If someone’s perfume, lotion, or even fabric softener covers your baby’s scent, your body may register it as a threat—even if your mind doesn’t.
This reaction is primal, not personal
Your reaction isn’t about being overprotective—it’s your nervous system doing its job. This is an ancient mechanism rooted in survival.
It’s okay to set boundaries around touch and scent
Whether you ask visitors to avoid strong fragrance or hold off on baby cuddles altogether, it’s okay to communicate what helps you feel safe.
While those were the key insights covered in Parents Magazine, I wanted to share a deeper lens on what I see in therapy, and how this reaction plays out emotionally, relationally, and biologically for new parents.
Why These Feelings Matter – And What You Can Do
If you’ve ever been surprised by how intensely you feel when someone else holds your baby—especially if they leave behind a scent that lingers—it’s not just you.
Yes, this reaction may have biological roots. Research shows that a baby’s natural scent activates a parent’s reward centers and deepens the bond. When that scent is masked, your nervous system may interpret it as a disruption in connection.
But it’s not only biology. It can also feel intrusive. You may feel frustrated that someone wasn’t mindful of their fragrance, or annoyed that you now have to bathe your baby or awkwardly address it next time they visit.
Here’s what I tell parents:
Both layers are real—instinct and emotion are deeply intertwined during postpartum.
You’re allowed to set boundaries—even if the situation seems small.
You’re not alone—and you’re not overreacting.
Why Avoiding Fragrance Around Newborns Matters
Even beyond bonding:
Newborns have immature respiratory systems, and strong scents can interfere with breathing.
Some fragrances contain endocrine-disrupting chemicals, raising concerns about long-term health impacts.
Sensitive baby skin can react to residual scent transferred by touch.
What If You Don’t Feel This Reaction?
Some parents don’t notice a difference—or feel anything unusual when someone else holds the baby. That’s normal too. It doesn’t mean anything about your bond, your instincts, or your parenting. We’re all wired differently, and tuning into your experience—without comparison—is what matters most.
Scripts for Setting Scent Boundaries
Text version:
“I’m so excited you’re coming by! Just a quick heads-up—we’re limiting strong scents since I hope you get to hold the baby. Would love it if you could skip perfume or lotion that day!”
In-person version:
“I know it might feel awkward, but we’re avoiding strong smells on the baby’s skin or clothes right now. I’d really appreciate it if you can come fragrance-free in the future.”
