Touched Out in Motherhood: Expert Tips – Scary Mommy
Featured in Scary Mommy
Have you ever found yourself tensing up when your partner reaches for you after a long day with the kids? Or felt that familiar “fight-or-flight” response when someone wants a hug, even though you love them deeply? You’re experiencing something completely normal—and you’re definitely not alone.
I recently spoke with Scary Mommy about this common but rarely discussed aspect of motherhood: touch aversion, or feeling “touched out.” While it often shows up as a sensitivity to physical contact, it’s really about sensory overload—when sound, movement, touch, and emotional demands become too much for your nervous system to handle.
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What Does Being “Touched Out” Actually Feel Like?
Being touched out means that the thought of someone touching you—or someone actually touching you—activates your nervous system in an uncomfortable way. It can bring on feelings of irritation, disgust, frustration, resentment, or sadness.
Your body might respond with what feels like a fight-or-flight reflex: tensing up, heart racing, feeling warmer. Or you might experience that automatic “ick” feeling where your immediate response is to pull away.
Key Takeaways from the Article
Touch aversion is a nervous system response – It’s common for new moms to feel overstimulated by physical contact, especially after long days of holding, feeding, and soothing.
Breastfeeding and round-the-clock caregiving contribute – Constant closeness and physical demands, including nursing and rocking, can deplete your sensory bandwidth.
Touch starts to feel like a demand, not a connection – Even when you love your baby or partner, more touch can feel like “one more thing” your body has to do.
Body discomfort plays a role – Feeling physically drained, uncomfortable, or disconnected from your body can make any form of closeness harder to receive.
When Touch Aversion Becomes Most Intense
The scenarios where touch aversion peaks are telling: after caring for your baby all day without a break, when you haven’t had time for basic self-care like showering or stepping outside, or when your partner tries to connect physically while you’re nursing or right after the baby is finally off you.
It comes down to never having enough physical space or always having something moving on you—a chronic discomfort you might not even consciously notice, but that leaves you feeling constantly annoyed or on edge.
My Expert Perspective
When we say we’re “touched out,” it’s rarely just about touch. What we’re really describing is sensory overload—a kind of full-body, full-environment overwhelm that builds up when your nervous system is never off duty.
Yes, constant physical contact plays a role. But for many mothers, the irritability and shutdown come just as much from the noise, visual chaos, clutter, and constant interruptions that define early parenting. The toys on the floor, the background music, the cries, the multitasking—all of it becomes one giant input stream your body never gets to pause from.
If you’re feeling this way, here’s what actually helps:
Reset your physical state: Take a shower, change clothes, or step outside—anything that gives your body a fresh sensory experience
Seek quiet: Turn off background noise, even briefly, and give yourself silence
Move your body intentionally: Stretch, walk, or do something that reconnects you to yourself without performing for others
Take breaks from being “on”: Ask someone else to take over, even for 10 minutes
Communicate early: Set expectations with your partner before you hit your edge
Wear soft, comfortable clothes: Anything that feels non-restrictive and calming to your skin
Name what’s happening: Remind yourself, “This is overstimulation. Not failure. Not selfishness.”
Reclaiming even a small bit of sensory space can help your body feel safer again—and help connection feel possible again.
When to Seek Professional Support
Touch aversion becomes concerning when it’s causing overwhelming guilt, when you’re taking those feelings out on others in harmful ways, or when you’re experiencing constant anger, resentment, or anxiety around physical contact. If you’re withdrawing from loved ones or feeling distressed by your response to touch, it’s time to reach out for support.
Feeling overwhelmed or emotionally overloaded?
Book a consultation to get support.
