What to Expect Emotionally During IVF: 5 Things Everyone Should Know
As featured in Authority Magazine. Authority Magazine interviewed me about the five things everyone should know about IVF.
IVF usually takes longer, involves more losses along the way, and leaves more room for uncertainty than people expect. Knowing that in advance, and having support, makes the process easier to carry.
“IVF is not an exact science; there's an art to it.”Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, PMH-C, in Authority Magazine
1. Timelines run long, and more than one cycle is common
Everything in the IVF process tends to take longer than people first anticipate. A cycle can be canceled days before retrieval, and a setback such as a cyst can add weeks before the next attempt.
2. Losses happen at every stage
The numbers shrink as you move through the process. As an example, 20 promising follicles might yield 16 eggs, 14 fertilized eggs, and seven blastocysts. If you choose optional genetic testing, that could leave about two normal embryos for transfer. Each drop is a loss, even when the process is going as expected.
3. IVF is partly subjective
Different doctors may recommend different medications, dosages, and treatment lengths. When two reasonable plans exist, it is easy to second-guess your choice after a failed cycle and turn that doubt into self-blame. Redirecting that blame is part of the emotional work of IVF.
4. There is a lot of waiting
Patients wait between ultrasounds, for fertilization updates, for blastocyst counts, and for genetic results. After a transfer, the wait before the blood test is often about 9 to 11 days, followed by follow-up testing and a first ultrasound to check for a heartbeat. The waiting involves a significant amount of rumination, and it is uncomfortable.
5. It can work
It does work. Many people who succeed say they would do it again, and many who do not succeed feel grateful they tried. I define success psychologically too: coping with the challenges and accepting that much of the outcome is outside your control.
How to cope while you are in treatment
- Expect intense emotions and treat them as normal, not as a sign you are handling it badly.
- Talk openly with your partner or one trusted person.
- Join a support group so you are not the only one who understands.
- Keep routines and hobbies that have nothing to do with treatment.
- See a therapist who specializes in infertility if anxiety, grief, or relationship strain starts to take over.
Read the full article on Authority Magazine
Related reading
- The Unspoken Mental Toll of IVF
- How to Build Resilience During Fertility Treatment
- Hope and Heartache: Managing the Mental Strain of Infertility
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to feel anxious or low during IVF?
Yes. Anxiety, emotional highs and lows, grief over losses, relationship strain, and financial stress are all common, in part because IVF is rarely covered by insurance in the US.
How long is the wait after an embryo transfer?
It is often about 9 to 11 days before the blood test, though your clinic will give you its own timeline.
When should I see a therapist during IVF?
Consider it when worry, grief, or conflict with your partner is affecting sleep, work, or your relationship, or when you want a place to process the process itself.
Ready for support?
Going through IVF or fertility treatment? I provide infertility counseling for individuals and couples. Serving clients in 46 states through our clinical team.
