When One Parent Moves On—And the Other Stays in the Hard
Sometimes, what hurts most isn’t that your co-parent had another child—it’s that they seem to forget the one you’re still both raising. This Newsweek piece about a mom confronting her ex for having a second baby while their child with special needs still required intense care struck a chord. Not because of judgment, but because of how invisible that grief and responsibility can feel.
What the Article Gets Right
It captures something I’ve seen many times in my work: when one parent feels like they’re carrying the full emotional and logistical weight, while the other has moved into a “new chapter.” The mom’s comment—“he should’ve thought harder”—isn’t about bitterness. It’s about the loneliness of doing the hard, daily work of parenting a neurodivergent or medically complex child without the full presence of the other parent.
What the Article Doesn’t Capture
What it doesn’t fully explore is how layered that grief is. It’s not just about the second baby—it’s about what that baby represents: freedom, starting over, unburdened joy. When one parent gets that, and the other is still in IEP meetings and sleepless nights, it can feel like abandonment. And worse, like erasure. That you and your child weren’t just left—you were left behind.
How This Shows Up in Therapy
I’ve sat with many parents—usually moms—who are doing the heavy lifting emotionally, logistically, and financially. They don’t resent the child. They don’t even always resent the ex. But they grieve the absence of shared responsibility, of recognition. Therapy becomes a space to name that, without being called bitter or dramatic. To say, “This is hard, and I need more than just praise for being strong.”
Beyond the Judgment
If you’re reading this and thinking, “Maybe I’m too angry,” let me say: anger is often the language of unmet responsibility. It’s what rises when your pain hasn’t been seen. You’re not wrong for wanting your co-parent to still show up. And if they don’t, you deserve support that does.
Parenting a child with complex needs is already demanding. Doing it while watching someone else start fresh can feel like grief inside grief. It doesn’t mean you’re bitter—it means you’re human.
If you’re holding both love for your child and resentment for how uneven the load feels, you’re not alone. In therapy, we untangle those feelings so they don’t harden into self-blame or burnout. There’s space for your truth, your exhaustion, and your healing.
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