Toxic Parenting Phrases That Harm Mental Health – Parents Magazine
What we say to children—especially in moments of frustration—can stay with them for a lifetime. In a recent Parents Magazine feature, I shared insights into how common parenting habits can unintentionally shape a child’s emotional development and sense of self. These patterns show up all the time in therapy, even decades later.
Quick Takeaways from the Article
Kids internalize repeated messages—even when they’re said in the heat of the moment
Seemingly “positive” body comments can fuel disordered eating and shame
Saying things like “you’re always…” teaches kids their identity is fixed
Parents often react from a place of guilt, exhaustion, or fear—not malice
Repair is more powerful than perfection
My Full Insight from the Article
1. Words become internal narratives.
A toxic parenting trait that can leave lasting emotional scars is when a parent consistently says or behaves in ways that lead the child to internalize a certain message about themselves. Whether it’s yelling at them for being uncoordinated or using phrases like “you always” or “you never”, those messages stick. Over time, they become part of how a child sees themselves.
2. Body comments—even well-meaning—can do harm.
As an eating disorder therapist, I see how even positive-sounding body talk can backfire. Comments like “you look really good in that outfit” or “that doesn’t suit your body” may sound neutral, but they teach kids their worth is tied to appearance. Even subtle gestures—like eyeing your partner when your child goes for seconds—send a message. These patterns can contribute to body image issues or eating disorders.
3. Watch how you talk about their impact on others.
Phrases like “you always bring the energy down” or “you make everyone anxious” can teach children that their presence is a problem. They may begin to believe they’re a burden simply for existing.
4. Reactions come from somewhere.
Parenting under stress, exhaustion, or guilt often fuels these habits. A spilled drink might trigger frustration—but beneath it could be guilt for not helping your child build coordination, or grief over how they’re doing socially. That emotional overload is what turns a small moment into a sharp reaction.
5. Repair matters more than perfection.
The most powerful shift a parent can make is recognizing when these patterns show up. That awareness creates room for repair. A simple apology—“I know I said you’re always a klutz, but I remember how carefully you carried those plates yesterday. I was just upset.”—models emotional responsibility. That’s what children remember.
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