The Real Reason Some Surrogates Emotionally Check Out

You can offer great compensation. But if she feels invisible, she’ll check out emotionally—long before delivery day. Research shows GCs often distance from the baby to protect themselves. That means the emotional connection has to come from somewhere else—the best case scenario being the IPs. Unfortunately, not all IPs know how to express that. Some are anxious. Some are guarded. Some are just overseas with a toddler and no sleep.

That’s where you come in. When it feels emotionally empty, she needs a cue from someone who sees her.

Disengaged GC: Starts sending shorter updates, stops sharing feelings, and talks only logistics.

Disconnected IP: Responds with brief or delayed texts, avoids emotional topics, assumes she’s “fine.”

What She Needs: A cue that her role is valued beyond pregnancy—someone saying, “What you’re doing matters, is exceptional, and we see you.”

From Gift to Help — And Why Connection Matters More Than Ever

Recent research shows that more surrogates today are describing their role not as “giving a gift”—but as “helping out.”

This subtle shift reflects larger changes: more racial and cultural diversity among surrogates, fewer intimate IP/GC relationships, and a rising sense that the journey can feel transactional if no one bridges the emotional gap.

Because it’s not her baby, and family/friends often don’t offer the same celebration or recognition, the best source of meaning comes from feeling seen by the people she’s carrying for.

Backed by ethnographic studies of US surrogates across multiple clinics and cultural backgrounds (Anuac Journal, 2024).

Your Emotional Connection Toolkit

What's included (3 pages):
• Ad-copy rewrites that attract purpose-driven GCs.
• Intake scripts & cultural cues for instant rapport.
• Milestone prompts for case managers.
• Repair language for failed transfers or early loss.
Download it, share it with IPs, or keep it handy for quick reference.

Research & Sources
• Guerzoni C. S. (2025). US “Contracted Surrogates”: Between Gift-Giving and Help Narratives. Anuac, 14(1).
• Berend Z. (2016). The Online World of Surrogacy.
• Jacobson H. (2016). The Labor of Love: Gestational Surrogacy & the Work of Making Babies.

Let’s work together.

Dedicated support for surrogacy and egg donation agencies. I provide psychological evaluations and consultations for gestational carriers, egg donors, and intended parents—serving CA, TX, OR, FL, CO, AZ, WY, NY & MN.

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