New Research - LGBTQ Sperm Donor Decision Making
For LGBTQ couples planning to use donor sperm, one of the most complex decisions is whether to use a directed (identified) donor, someone they know personally, or a nonidentified donor, someone selected through a sperm bank. New research sheds light on why this choice creates such significant stress and what support couples actually need.
A 2025 dissertation by Nora McKillop McCormick explores how couples approach this choice and why it often leads to stress, uncertainty, and emotional conflict. The study focused on decisional conflict, a concept used to describe the psychological strain that arises when people face difficult, values-driven decisions with no obvious "right" answer.
Note: While the dissertation used the terms known and unknown donor, this blog uses the updated language preferred by ASRM: directed (identified) and nonidentified donors.
Key Takeaways from the Study
Over 50 percent of study participants reported moderate to high levels of decisional conflict.
Couples identified several major needs:
Clear comparisons of donor options
Stories from other LGBTQ families
Perspectives from donor-conceived people
Guidance for applying personal values to the decision
Emotional and relational dynamics played a major role. Couples with stronger communication and emotion regulation experienced less distress.
Trans and nonbinary participants faced added challenges, including gender dysphoria, fear of being outed, and a lack of inclusive parenting resources.
Why This Decision Deserves More Support
Both research and the lived experience of donor-conceived people show that access to thoughtful guidance matters. Whether the donor is someone known to the family or someone selected from a clinic database, the emotional and ethical weight of the decision is real. It affects how the family talks about origin stories, how children make sense of their identities, and how parents relate to the process over time.
The decision deserves time, reflection, and support.
Why Consultations Are Often Required
Many fertility clinics require recipient parents to meet with a mental health provider when pursuing gamete donation. While this is often mislabeled as a psychological evaluation, it is not an evaluation in the traditional sense. They are most accurately described as implications counseling, a space to explore what this decision means for the parent or parents, the donor (if applicable), and the future child.
Topics often discussed in consultation include:
Whether the donor will be involved in any way
How and when the child will be told about their conception
What boundaries, expectations, and legal considerations are in place
How to prepare for future conversations or emotional questions
The goal is not to make the decision for anyone, but to help them make it with clarity and confidence.
Read the Full Study
Learn More
If you are considering donor conception, or if your clinic has asked you to complete a consultation, you can learn more about what to expect and how to use this process to prepare emotionally and practically for the path ahead.
To learn more about consultations and how they support donor decision-making, visit this page on third-party reproduction services.
For more writing on donor conception and LGBTQ family building, browse additional blog posts here.
