Attachment Bonds in LGBTQ+ Families: What Really Matters
In the journey of parenting, some LGBTQ+ families wonder: Will our children form strong, secure attachments—regardless of how our family was built?
A 2025 study published in Current Psychology offers powerful and affirming answers. Researchers examined school-aged children raised by lesbian, gay, and heterosexual parents—all of whom conceived through assisted reproduction—to explore what truly shapes a child’s primary attachment.
Key Findings
Gender didn’t determine attachment. Children were just as likely to choose a mother or a father as their primary attachment figure.
Biology wasn’t a deciding factor. Whether or not a parent was biologically related to the child made no difference in attachment preference.
Emotional presence mattered most. Children were more likely to turn to parents who showed warmth, acceptance, and the ability to understand emotions.
In gay father families, the key predictor was low parental rejection—children felt most secure with the parent who was emotionally accepting and safe.
In lesbian mother families, the strongest factor was emotional insight—also called reflective functioning. This means recognizing and responding to emotions with empathy. For example, seeing a child’s after-school irritability not as disrespect, but as a sign of overwhelm.
In heterosexual parent families, no single parenting quality stood out as strongly predictive of attachment.
Why This Matters
In my work with clients navigating LGBTQ+ family-building, it’s common to hear quiet fears: Will my child bond with me if I’m not the biological parent? Will they feel emotionally anchored in a family with two moms or two dads?
This study offers clear, research-backed reassurance: secure attachment isn’t about gender, biology, or fitting a traditional mold. It’s about emotional presence, consistency, and the ability to tune in to a child’s inner world.
None of these findings depended on a parent’s gender or biological tie. Children felt most secure with the parent who showed up emotionally—who responded, reflected, and made space for their feelings.
So whether you’re a gay dad, a non-biological mom, or parenting outside traditional roles, what matters most is how emotionally safe your child feels with you. That’s what builds lasting connection.
Explore more topics in Infertility and Third Party Reproduction or Schedule a Consultation.
